Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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