Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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