It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I just sharted jello shots
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
