I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
