God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
