this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
