I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
