i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
