Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
