That's intense
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want to have your abortion
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
