I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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