i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize