fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize