she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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