Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i drank out of a bidet.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
