I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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