ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
