Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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