i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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