They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
