Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
