Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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