My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
