you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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