last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My life is pants optional.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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