i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
