my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
