Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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