Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
