You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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