Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
