Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
