Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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