she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
They have beer where we have blood.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
