YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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