That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
