and she was petting her beer can
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
