sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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