my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
organizing the empties. That sober.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
