Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Randomize
