I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
