Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
