his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
