forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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