I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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