im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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