ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
