I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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