Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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