It's Friday. Sex?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
