I puked a lego.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
