the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
