The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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