Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize