I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize