D3 body, D1 cock
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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