i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
