Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
