do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
