I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
