Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
