between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
