woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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