Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
