the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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