Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
