When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
