I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you will always have a special place in my vag
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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