either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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