Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
