CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
