I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
