overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
