Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
