Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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