I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone came in the potted fern
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i now understand why vodka
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize