My room smells like vodka and shame
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
