Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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