do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
