I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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