I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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