Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
